Support for Healing Professionals

What if you tried something new?

What if instead of pushing away your fear, anger, sadness, or hurt… you invited them closer?

I’ve done it. And if you haven’t closed this page already, you may be considering it (because it’s likely as appealing as a root canal!).

But maybe you could stop for a moment… and just notice your reaction to that suggestion. Not in your mind – no, notice it in your body.

That reaction – that very feeling – is not a hindrance to your freedom. In fact, it is the KEY to your freedom.

Here’s what I mean by “freedom”…

It’s the freedom to help or, equally, not to help.

It’s the freedom to feel positive feelings without pushing away the negative feelings.

It’s the freedom to have lightness and ease in your life, even on the more challenging days.

It’s the freedom NOT to be addicted to anything.

It’s the freedom of CHOICE.

It all comes when you have a consistent connection with your genuine Self.

And to do that, you have to get to know all your “parts.”

But you probably have parts of you that you love – the “Mama Bear” part… the part that is SO good at entertaining… or the part that knows how to put in a hard day’s work.

And it’s almost a guarantee there are parts of you that you dislike (or even hate). Parts that are addicted or obsessive… harsh or angry… too loud or too quiet… too afraid… easily embarrassed… or overly critical.

This self-hatred – this lack of compassion we have for ourselves – is part of why it sometimes feels so bad to “be yourself.”

Therapy gives you the tools you need to take off those shackles.

You’ll discover that the team of parts that you “dislike” really has had nothing in mind other than caring for you and promoting your well-being. That’s right: You are loved beyond belief by these parts. The only reason you might not feel that love is because they’re carrying a burden that they believe they cannot put down.

Most people have some idea of what it means to be a ‘good person.’ We just have no idea how to just BE good, so we think that we have to be in charge of our own goodness. We push away anger because we believe to be a ‘good person’ is not to attack other people. And we also have noticed that being angry at someone doesn’t actually work very well – as far as convincing them to change what they are doing.

In other words, we ‘put on’ good behaviors and push away the parts of us that feel anything we see as ‘not good.’ The parts are small, selfish, whiny, needy, judgmental, or greedy. But a greedy part of us is actually experiencing a kind of hunger, an experience of lack. And much like people on starvation diets become more and more ravenous, our greedy parts, pushed away and continually deprived, become louder and louder as they are ignored.

But as we ‘turn toward’ these parts, so long ignored and neglected, we discover that they are simply trying to help us make our way in the world. Their intention was always good, even if sometimes the behaviors they are choosing look a bit like driving us off a cliff.

For example, a part that uses food to make us feel better just wants us to have a break, some self-care, and be loved in whatever way is available to us when we are stressed out and too busy to take a break.

What we’ll do together is called Internal Family Systems (IFS), and it’s a safe and easy method for getting to know each of your different parts. In an actual therapy session, this is a multi-step process.

First, we choose a part that is struggling. We can tell a part is struggling when there is a volume, like a chronic sense of anxiety that sometimes gets intense; i.e., loud.

Second, we ask all parts with strong feelings about that part to step back. In other words, to leave space to go to the part struggling without telegraphing our (i.e., our other parts’) anger at it, fear of it, worry about it, etc. In other words, to get to know that part without bringing an ‘attitude’ with us.

Third, we make a connection with that part. Sometimes, that’s a simple thing. Sometimes it can feel like hacking our way through a forest to make the first caring connection with a part of us that is in pain.

Once we have that connection, we are in a place to really listen and begin to understand what that part of us is going through. We give it the real care that it is longing for. And we hear it – and once it is heard, it doesn’t have to scream anymore to get our attention. And the symptom it was ‘creating’ to get our attention does not have to be SO loud anymore, and our anxiety lowers.

When you understand, accept, and appreciate all your parts, you’ll have the freedom to be your authentic Self. And with that freedom comes compassion, clarity, connectedness, courage, creativity, curiosity, confidence, and calm you’ve been looking for!